|I Actually Thought I’d Become a Fairy…|
|Written by annac|
|Sunday, 21 November 2010 11:13|
As many of us, I have been in this spiritual/personal growth business for some time now, 20 and so years. And, I gotta say, it seems like many of us have truly grown so much wiser, spiritually, over the years . I see enormous inner change and many various paths contributing to it. Moreover, it seems that we have much grown out of the old, linear ways of looking at divine life (and our selves) and into something much vaster, much more allowing, and much more inclusive.
I was one of those who thought that growing as a spiritual being would include seeing more light, more of floating above things (both literally and figuratively), and somehow less contact with the heavier, earthly, physical aspects of life. I was one of those who secretly saw my future life as an almost non-visible, fairy-like being of all light (and no density) as I would expand into more and more enlightened awareness. Yes, was I in for a surprise? It would take me quite some time to get out of this fairy-light illusion of spiritual growth because my mind really loved it. My mind was really attached to it for all that it meant.
In retrospect, I would even say there was an unwillingness on the part of mind to open to the fullness of life and growth, and the fullness of what I can be as a being. An unwillingness of becoming more whole because it made mind so much less powerful, so much less in control, and so much more vulnerable.
I can't say anymore that growing in inner light, or inner space, is a journey of all la di daa, rainbowy colors, softly spoken whispers, and friggin' wings of angels ;) No! It's also really about getting into all of the darkest, deepest, and most fearsome places within. And live thru them, evolve with them, and beyond them. Growing is really not about getting rid of, shy away from, or float above. It's about being with all that is here. Holding all of it. Yet, maybe not all of it at the same time. Because I also believe it means the right to say: Hey, this sucks and I don’t have the strength to hold it anymore. Let it be here even if I can’t hold it or even be responsible for it.
Please, do not get me wrong. By holding it all I don’t mean love it all. I simply mean live it as it is. When there’s hatred, there’s hatred. Don't make it something else. When there’s joy, there’s joy. Don’t make it something else. Life IS. And this is where we grow. Right here, through all of that which is present in us.